brief observations...

Ask me anything   Submit   ink. charcoal. water. collar bones. feathers. i ache, always.

need to go in for a biopsy next week to look at possibly cancerous cells.
then today
my grandma died.

it was quiet. my sister was sitting with her as it happened.
she said she wasn’t sure what to do as her breathing slowly stopped.

i feel more heavy now.
sadness sort of moving through me.

can august just be over now?

— 2 days ago with 3 notes
#personal  #death  #cancer  #grandma 

my doctor just called me.
the results were abnormal.
i have a biopsy scheduled for next thursday. i thought i was fine. 

i mean. fuck. the first time they found pre-cancerous cells was nearly 7 years ago when i started dating chandler.
and they removed all of it.
i went through all that crap.
i thought i was healthy.

i don’t want to do this again.

trying not to panic.

— 3 days ago with 2 notes
#health  #personal  #cancer  #not again please 


Being good to each other is so important, guys.

sometimes empathy has to be taught the hard way.

(via pivitor)

— 4 days ago with 229350 notes
#friends  #love  #support  #empathy  #emotions  #comics  #art  #victory 
and all my great grandparents and back are like, “you guys still haven’t learned to share and not kill everyone?”

and all my great grandparents and back are like, “you guys still haven’t learned to share and not kill everyone?”

(Source: katara, via nap-city)

— 4 days ago with 203025 notes
#native american  #racism  #cultural genocide 

I am sitting at work (overnight) and in the middle of an anxiety attack I can’t seem to come down from. It rises and falls and I just can’t calm myself. My heart is racing and I just feel sick.
Anyone, please help me calm down. Nothing seems to work and I just can’t keep sitting here on the bathroom floor while I fill the room with steam.

— 5 days ago with 1 note
#anxiety  #anxious  #help  #mental health 


It really irritates me when I see someone posting on Facebook, claiming to be in the midst of a panic attack.

Maybe everyone is different, but I know that when I’ve had them, I did not possess the capability to gather my thoughts in a cohesive manner, let alone type.

Maybe they want attention, maybe they just can have the ability to write a paragraph describing it.

Not to be an asshole, but if it’s the former, not a fan.

people often confuse a panic attack with anxiety attack- while similar they are not the same. panic/anxiety disorders present themselves in different ways and the onset can vary as well. 

and there are various levels of both. i have an axis 1 diagnosis of an anxiety disorder. sometimes i can gather thoughts and make it through the day with anxiety floating around me like background radiation. other times i have had my blood pressure shy rocket to the point of needing to go to the emergency room: i could barely verbalize what was going on. 

sometimes someone might want attention, that is true. but other times someone is just desperate for help and so encompassed by their current attack that reaching out through social media is the only thing they can think of. i once took to reddit at 3am in the midst of an attack that had been going on for hours. my heart rate was so elevated typing was nearly impossible. i took bayer, put an ice pack on my neck and did everything i could to bring myself down. 
and the people that did talk to me fucking helped. not everyone has someone they can call. and not everyone has medications that help or successful ways of coping.

working in a residential treatment center i saw people fake attacks all the time, to only see them have a real attack so severe in the days that followed they broke their own bones. 

never question someone’s psychological well-being/impairment. 

someone people ask for help the only ways they know how.

— 1 week ago with 4 notes
#i don't mean to sound bitchy  #mental health  #anxiety  #no judgment  #help 
Bethany:I have a craving for that soup you made me that one time.
Me:which time?
Bethany:the day of soup and chocolate and cramping.
Me:The day I took you to get the abortion and spent the rest of the day feeding you and keeping you medicated?
Bethany:yea, the abortion day soup.
Me:oh, it was a roasted root vegetable soup with pan fried garlic bread. Its pretty simple actually. also, we are definitely calling it abortion soup from now on.
Bethany:well, obviously. but i don't think the act of an abortion should be contingent upon consumption.
— 1 week ago with 2 notes
#soup  #root vegetables  #friends  #sexual health  #abortion 

Started with low spoons today. And lots of anxiety.
Can it just be over already?

— 1 week ago
#low spoons  #anxiety  #tired  #mental health 





am I sick from anxiety or am I actually physically ill? a memoir by me

am i lazy or horribly depressed: the sequel

does everyone hate me or am I just very insecure: the completion of the trilogy

Why aren’t you in school today? the prequel

is this a panic attack or did i have too much caffeine because i didn’t sleep at all last night? the fifth installment because i ruin everything by piling on.

(via aoizure)

— 1 week ago with 493495 notes
#mental health  #depression  #anxiety  #panic 

everything is beautiful. i was feeling a bit down. so i decided to give these a gander.


— 2 weeks ago with 4 notes
#buddhism  #nepal  #ethiopia  #india  #africa  #photography  #china  #humanity  #people  #america  #gay rights  #love 
Want a history lesson on active racism in St. Louis? →

seriously, guys. stop.

— 2 weeks ago with 1 note
#racism  #st. louis  #ferguson  #politics  #civil rights  #confederate  #civil war  #history